“Take off your clothes” The hoarse whisper strangles me. The excitement is palpable as the words ring in my ears. I close my eyes to savor the words, run the thought across my lower lip with my tongue and teeth. I breathe in the meaning and exhale my intentions, it has been a long time coming. She reaches to caress my face, her velvet smooth palms burn streaks where her nails graze me ever so slightly; hard enough to make my spine tingle and soft enough to make my skin ripple with goose bumps. Her index finger is the last to leave my pointed nose, and it lifts the ether of lust from my face and peels my eyelashes back like a veil. The light attacks my eyes savagely, and the cold white ceiling smiles back at me coyly. I pull the covers over my head and close my eyes shut. I will myself to continue with the unraveling romance, but my mind is already wondering if the alarm has rung yet. Cursed wandering dreams and obligations!
I grumpily walk out of bed and try not to forget the memory. A toe hits a bed post and flings all my senses into a flurry. She preoccupied my senses soon after the throb dulled all the way to the bus. This one was special, she was beautiful like many others but something more. She had a demeanor about her, something that was innocent, flirty, yet dangerous and dark. I liked danger, I liked the dark and the promise it held, and I liked her flirty laugh and wondered if her innocence was an act or if it was exactly that. Her mystery was fascinating, yet I was curious. She did not talk to anyone specifically, but she made you feel like every conversation was exclusive. The wiles on this one, they drove me an inch to insanity every day! That insanity visited me every night, and I walked around without my medicine the following day.
I sat down on my desk and heard a beep from my phone. Must be out of bundles, I thought. I ignored it for a while and continued with my set up ritual. I plugged in my earphones and droned away to earn my leave days. Life can be so mundane at times, sigh. I felt like I was being watched, like someone took in everything I was doing, even my eyebrow movements. I looked up and I caught her gaze. She was smiling with her lips but saying something with her eyes. She unnerved me from how she held my gaze, and I felt my scalp peel back for her to read my thoughts. I broke it off, and tried to look busy. I was distracted, she knew it. She had me by the short hairs, and I enjoyed it. I smiled and hummed a hapless tune. I saw her rise from her seat and say hi to her friend at a desk behind me, and for a second, I thought I misread the silent communication we had a few seconds earlier.
“Take off your clothes” The words were barely a whisper. My hands trembled with excitement as I watched her silently oblige. She had a lithe body, covered in caramel skin that flowed to her nails like perfect stitches. The light did not betray her at all, it covered her body with care not to distort her edges. She smiled with her eyes half open, musky with unspoken desires. I was mesmerized, not sure if to take in the sight in all its splendor or take a paint brush and attempt to immortalize her. “Your turn”, she smiled and sauntered across the room. I fumbled quickly with my clothes, tripping as one of my pants legs and shoe sought to calm down my enthusiasm. Christmas in July, sweater weather they called it. I looked down at her as she lay there, vulnerable yet strong, a goddess. Flawless. I pull the covers over both of us, and she disappears into the pillows. A distant tune grows louder, and I pull the covers. I see myself looking sheepish in my closet mirror. I was going insane for real.
All these coffee breaks and lunch meet ups of the last few months were not doing any good to me; I couldn’t help myself. We talked about normal stuff; the weather, the traffic in the morning and evening, our political circus, our religious debacle, the local news, global conflicts, stock market trends, to what the latest gossip in the office was. My hyper active imagination picked the subliminal; how the weather was perfect for cuddling, how traffic would be bearable in the morning and evenings if she would be going home to me (how I wished), how politics and religion cleared her schedule at 7 pm and 9 pm daily for chores as well as on Sundays, how compassionate she was for human suffering, how she keenly followed her investments in life, and of course how secretive she was. There was no rumor about her yet, at least not any we knew about. I wanted to breathe her air, I wanted to be in her space. She said we were just friends, for the moment at least, but she loved my company. I reminded her of Ashton Kutcher’s character in “Two and a Half Men”, one of the many references that had me going to the video library every other day. She kept me on toes, which was always a sign; she was thinking of me or someone that I reminded her of. It didn’t matter, time would change that. She would get out of my head and into my bed.
“Take off your clothes” I paused. I knew the sequence. Not this time, if she wanted me she would come get me. I looked away from her, but I felt her presence. Who was I kidding, she was my Achilles heel, kryptonite even. I turned like a sulking child and met her face an inch from mine. I pounced on her lips hungrily, dreading the taste of my pillow. She pushed me away and looked at me puzzled. “Slow down, don’t be too excited.” She seemed amused. I looked around the room and I realized my surrounding. She was at my house! I held her and waited for the dream to end, but she stood there studying my face. She seemed to enjoy my confusion as much as I enjoyed the prospects of waking up. I snapped out of it, and replied instinctively, “I thought I was dreaming”. She grinned with intent, “Let’s make your dreams valid then” The following morning, I felt my leg touch something. I jumped up and saw a head of black hair jutting from my covers. I smiled and moved closer to her, and she turned and shone the sun’s rays on my face.
It was official, it was happening just as I had anticipated. Time had moved fast and the universe had aligned itself for me. Her chores daily at 7 pm and 9 pm, and on Sunday were abandoned, we braved the traffic some days together, we looked at the stock market trends together, and we discussed how people discussed us in the office. We watched Ashton Kutcher together, just so I could hear her make comparisons. We didn’t need to tell each other when to take off our clothes, we were in sync. It was unspoken, an understanding that was magnetic. For a while at least, everything was ok. I never found out who I reminded her of, but she made reference once in a while with nostalgia. I never bothered to ask, why spoil a good thing? I noticed it more and more, each time my smile thinning. It stopped being a compliment and became a comment, on what was not good with how I did anything. She had a frame of reference, one that I couldn’t figure out.
She read a book by the night stand, but she was not reading it. I knew this because in the five minutes I stood there, she hadn’t turned that page. She had not noticed me standing there until I loudly yawned for her to notice. She looked up and moved over for me in my bed. She feigned a smile, and kissed me on the forehead. She turned over for a second then realized I was still sitting up. She turned to face me and smiled, “Take off your clothes”. I did not budge. She played a while with me but she only poked the embers of something deep seated in me. “Who is it?” She wanted to feign ignorance but she knew I was onto her. I zoned out of her well-rehearsed Hollywood prefab break up sequences, and played my own pitiful hold on ones in my head. I did not speak, just nodded periodically. I started peeling my clothes away and stopped mid-way. “Take off your clothes”, it sounded cold and distant. Just how the morning arrived, cold and a distance from the night fall. I opened my eyes slowly and once again, my pillow stared back at me. I shrugged, it had been a while since I had dreamed.
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This post first appeared as a guest post on Lynda Pepper’s Blog
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